Weight Loss: Being Too Hard on Yourself
Coach Calls with Jon Gabriel

Being Too Hard on Yourself

Click “Play” to Listen

Prefer to Download & Save?
Right Click Here & “save as” to your computer.
Mac users cmd. + click + “save target as”.

Listen to Jon Gabriel Chat to Sarah About:

  • How she stresses about her productivity
  • How to be kinder to yourself
  • How to break old habits and learn to love yourself

OR

Read The Lecture Transcripts Here

Jon:  

Okay. I want Sarah from California. That’s what I want. Sarah, you’re the one I want to talk to. How can I help you?

Sarah:  

Okay, great. I am calling because my issue seems to be about stress I create for myself about just productivity. Like old messages about productivity and driving myself, and by the end of the day, it’s almost like I want to kick back and have a glass of wine and eat whatever I want to eat, but it’s almost like rebellion about how I’ve driving myself. And I just wondered if you have -

Jon:  

Okay, yeah, yeah. So what you’re saying is you drive yourself very hard, right?

Sarah:  

Yeah.

Jon:  

You push yourself very hard? You push yourself very hard.

Sarah:  

Yes.

Jon:  

Is that right? Okay.

Sarah:  

Yes.

Jon:  

How long have you been doing that for?

Sarah:  

About my whole life.

Jon:  

Your whole life.

Sarah:  

I mean I think it’s an old program. I think it’s something I learned as a kid, you know, what’s your value, what do you have to show for yourself, blah, blah, blah.

Jon:  

Okay, that’s exactly right. So what do you have to show for yourself, and where do you think that came from?

Sarah:  

I think it was my parent’s programming. I think I adopted it from my mom.

Jon:  

All right. Well, let me — so stay with me. So your mother or your father? Let’s just talk about it because I’m going to get to the root of it if you just follow me, so did it come from your mother?

Sarah:  

I would say my father probably.

Jon:  

Your father.

Sarah:  

I would say father.

Jon:  

What was it about your father that did that?

Sarah:  

What’s the question? What was it about him?

Jon:  

Yeah. What did he say or what did he do that made you create this program in your head? What did he say to you?

Sarah:  

He drove himself that way and it was — the model was duty and performance and being the best and all that.

Jon:  

So did he — and that’s something that he would say to you?

Sarah:  

Well, yeah. I got it reinforced through grades and all the good stuff.

Jon:  

Okay. Well, tell me about that. So you bring your report card home, what would happen?

Sarah:  

If it was all A’s that would be like accepted and if there was anything less than that, then it would be like well what happened here? It was never -

Jon:  

Okay. What would happen -

Sarah:  

- good enough.

Jon:  

Okay. So I just want to imagine for a second. So you’re a child, you’re a young kid right now, you just brought your report card home and there’s a B, there’s no A’s, okay.

Sarah:  

Yeah.

Jon:  

So I just want you to be there for a second, all right, so what’s your — so just imagine that for a second. You’re showing your report card to your farther. Can you do that for me?

Sarah:  

Yeah.

Jon:  

So you’re showing your report card to your father and it’s not perfect. There’s a couple of B’s there, okay. So what’s he saying right now?

Sarah:  

The message was basically what’s wrong with you?

Jon:  

Just tell me — talk as if your father’s talking. What’s he saying? You can talk to me like you’re your father.

Sarah:  

He’d say what happened here, what happened? Like what’s wrong with you? Why isn’t this an A?

Jon:  

What are you feeling right now? I just want you to be there for one second. You’re a child, you just brought home your report card, there’s some B’s there, he’s looking at it, what are you feeling as he’s talking to you?

Sarah:  

Like whatever I do isn’t good enough. No matter how hard, no matter how good, no matter how much, no matter what it’s not good enough.

Jon:  

Right, okay. So now we’re just going to — I want you to still be there and I want you to imagine that you’re a kid, your father’s looking at your report card, okay, and there’s some A’s there and there’s some B’s there, and you tried and he’s there and he’s starting to talk to you and he’s saying, "You know what, what’s wrong here," and all these things he’s saying, and I just want you to be there for a second, okay? Can you do that?

Sarah:  

Yeah.

Jon:  

And all the feelings that you’re feeling about not being good enough, okay. Then all of a sudden he’s looking at it and he looks at you. I just want you to imagine this for a second, that he looks at you and he goes, "You know what, what am I talking about? You’re a beautiful, talented, brilliant young girl and I’m just so proud of you, and you got four or five A’s and that’s brilliant, and you know what, it’s okay to get a B every once in awhile. I know that you’re putting everything into it, I know that you’re trying, I know that you’re working and I really appreciate you and I just want you to know that I’m so proud of you." So what are you feeling here? Are you there Melissa? Sarah?

Sarah:  

Like I can stand down, you know. That it doesn’t have to be every waking minute, you know. What’s the next thing, you know.

Jon:  

That’s right and he says to you — and then he says to you, "You can relax, you’re doing a great job and I’m really proud of you and you can relax." Now what do you say to him? Just imagine you’re there right now and he’s standing next to you saying, "I’m really proud of you, you’re doing a great job and you don’t have to be perfect." What do you say to him? What do you want to say to him? What do you say to him right now?

Sarah:  

Just thank you and I love you and thank you for seeing me.

Jon:  

And then he says back, "I love you." Just imagine that for a second. He’s there and says, "You know what, I love so much and I really appreciate you and you go on and you do everything you want to do and you don’t have to be perfect. You just follow your heart and everything you do is going to be beautiful, and I really appreciate you."

Sarah:  

That was really perfect because I’ve totally internalized this thing.

Jon:  

It’s such a powerful technique that we just did right now, Sarah, because we could talk about your situation for the next 20 years, but it’s not going to address what you’re feeling.

Jon:  

What’s that?

Sarah:  

No. You absolutely nailed it. No, it doesn’t have anything — I’m clear it doesn’t have anything to do with my circumstances. It has to do with the internalized -

Jon:  

Now so what I want you to do now, Sarah, is I want you to have that image that we just had of your father talking to you as you’re going to sleep at night, and do that for a few weeks.

Sarah:  

Perfect.

Jon:  

Okay? And then we’ll talk.

Sarah:  

Perfect. I love that. Thank you. Thank you. You have such an insight into all of this, Jon, and I just want to thank you for your huge contribution you’re making to the planet.

Jon:  

Thank you, thank you. So let’s talk again soon, okay?

Sarah:  

I will do that. Yeah.

Jon:  

All right. Take care.

Start Your Transformation Today!

Learn More